My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
