Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
