hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize