why didn't you poke me back
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
