It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
