The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
