Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
