from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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