I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
