well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
