so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
