wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
