oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize