I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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