did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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