We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
