p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize