i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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