This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize