Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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