I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
