I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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