Banned from zoo.
Again?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
