On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
