Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
