Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
