i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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