You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
