margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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