I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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