I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
