I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
