listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
