i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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