a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
