3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize