broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
