I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
