There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize