yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
