Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize