Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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