Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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