According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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