I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think your dad took our porno
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
