How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
