If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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