Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
