i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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