bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
