I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
