An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
