hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
