Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my liver is dry heaving
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize