It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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