she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
