Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
