please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
