Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
