I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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