i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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