i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
