sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
