Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
