I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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