Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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