I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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