i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
