Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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